Monday, October 04, 2010

Medieval Times - Buena Park

It was OC Restaurant Week last week, and what discount did I take advantage of? Medieval Times at $30...practically half price.

Half price to get into the Kingdom of Kitsch. Half price to watch actors/stuntmen in shiny armor clang swords and charge towards each other atop galloping horses with bolsa wood lances that splinter into a million pieces.

Half price to see a dirt patch become the stage for pseudo-Shakespearean prose with words like "doth" and "sire", all of it unintelligible because of the poor acoustics and an antiquated sound system. Half price to have "wenches" serve you food out of troughs and that you eat sans cutlery while wearing a colored paper crown on your noggin.

Yes, it's been a while, and I am not ashamed to say I loved every corny, hokey, hammy, hollerin'-for-your-knight thrill of it: pro-wrestling for the geeky, Renaissance-fair-going, Lord-of-the-Ring fanboy set, and you get a meal with it.

I remembered fondly how I sold bags upon bags of Blow Pops for some high school club all those years ago, just to raise enough funds to cover our year-end dinner there. Medieval Times, like Sizzler, back then, was a special treat. Only The Velvet Turtle carried more panache.

These days, it's easy to get cynical about it. It has been, and probably always will be, a tourist trap--a side trip for the Disneyland-bound out-of-towner who happens to be from a metropolitan area that doesn't already have a Medieval Times in it.

The bill of fare hasn't changed much. Soup, a thin tomatoey thing with bits of veggies cut down to grain-size, is poured from a jug into a metal bowl which will sap the heat from the liquid and be too hot to handle for the better part of 10 minutes.

Next comes a butter-soaked garlic bread, and then the roasted chicken (something they called a "buzzard"), which is larger than I remember. It's followed by a teensy piece of tender pork rib, half of a skin-on baked potato basted with the same sauce as the ribs, and a warm apple turnover for dessert.

Drink was Pepsi, poured into our mugs from jugs similar to the ones they used for the soup, and already flat.

So did I enjoy the meal? Yes, especially at half price where most of money ($25 of it, as the receipt broke it down) paid for the show, which saw our Fabio-like Red Knight become the evening's champion, besting the evil and sneering Green Knight.

And to our Fabio-like Red Knight: We're sorry to have doubted you, and for mocking your striking resemblance to the oft-ridiculed male model. You deserved every bit of your staged victory!

Medieval Times Dinner & Tournament
7662 Beach Blvd.
Buena Park, CA 90620
(866) 543-9637‎

Seasons 52 - Costa Mesa


At 5:13 PM, Blogger Darlene said...

I absolutely jealous and in awe that I missed out on this deal. Now that I'm married to someone who is allergic to horses, I fear to bring him to this venue. So your description is enough for me.

At 5:34 PM, Blogger digkv said...

that was hilarious edwin. I can't believe i didn't notice medieval times was on restaurant week, $30 is a steal. I remember a long way back that the biggest problem with it was that it wasn't that pleasant to smell the horse byproducts while eating. Oh and do they still have that awesome torture museum? it was totally the highlight for me.

At 12:31 AM, Blogger mark said...

Breakfast pizza? Medieval Times? Is this a new, reckless, Devil-may-care Elmo we are starting to see? Hahaha, but on the real: I'll check out this place sometime. There are always 2 for 1 coupons every so often.

At 12:50 AM, Blogger Juliet said...

Pepsi at Medieval Times? Makes me think of that episode of the Big Bang Theory where Sheldon goes on and on about the historical inaccuracies at the Renaissance fair.

At 8:34 AM, Blogger Bill said...

What a deal I wish I went when I had the opportunity.

At 5:05 PM, Blogger elmomonster said...


HAH! Well, I'm glad my description is enough. You saved $30 and possible discomfort for your hubby. But should you ever want to go, Medieval Times does have an online special for $29.95, though it wasn't working when I tried it! I guess they have an excuse: they didn't have a working Internet in the Arthurian legends either! How authentic!


Thanks man! You do smell the horses still, but we were seated in the nosebleed section, which was actually quite conveniently removed from the equine aromas. The torture museum is still there! For a nominal fee!


Why yes! Devil-May-Care-Elmo! Coming to stores this Christmas! And I'm noticing I've been to Buena Park a lot lately, too! How did that work out?

But I guess that's what happens when I don't plan what I'll be writing about until I write about it. Basically this blog is a journal of the the most interesting thing I ate during the week. I've spared you from many a take-out lunch and a whole bunch of Yoshinoya!


So true! And then he went as a Star Trek Science Officer, which made it all okay! Of course, he was a Vulcan Star Trek Science Officer! Love that show!


There just might be an opportunity to go at a similar price (see my comment to Darlene above). Though, like I said, it doesn't seem to be working. Their ordering system seems stuck in the dark ages...

At 6:24 PM, Blogger EatTravelEat said...

How fun! And good deal, I agree, even if the food isn't the best. Main course sounds yummy for a show.

At 3:53 PM, Blogger Madison said...

I've been curious about this place for years but thanks to you that is no longer the case. Thanks for saving me a trip here. :)

At 5:05 AM, Blogger JustinM said...

I went to summer school one year when I was 11 for one reason: on the last day everyone went to Medieval Times. When that day came I got caught chewing gum and had to scrape gum off the sidewalks for hours while everyone else went and had fun.

At 9:38 AM, Blogger elmomonster said...


$5 for that meal is about $2 less than it was worth! Yes, I would pay $7 for that meal. It's just slightly better than Boston Market, IMHO (and I enjoy BM from time to time) The show was exactly worth $25!


If this blog is anything, it's about saving people money! HAH!


That's the saddest story I've ever heard. Well, not as sad as that guy who had to cut off his own hand to survive being stuck under a rock, but it's the saddest story I've ever heard here!

At 3:08 PM, Blogger HayleySF said...

I haven't been to the Medieval Times in Buena Park in a few years! What a deal!
My girlfriends and I went together a couple years back and had a blast! We even took some pictures with the stars, hahahah!

Btw: The breakfast pizza looks so yummy!

At 11:41 PM, Blogger Chubbypanda said...

Cat loves it when you review stuff like this. 'Course, now I'll probably hate to take her there. =/

At 11:42 PM, Blogger Chubbypanda said...

Er... Have to take her there. Freudian slip. =D

At 9:34 AM, Blogger elmomonster said...


You have a beautiful blog. Thanks for commenting! And yes! The pizza was, indeed, very good!


I'm waiting anxiously for when Medieval Times gets the Chubbypanda treatment!

At 6:50 PM, Blogger caninecologne said...

hey there - great post!!! i've often wondered what this place was like, but never wanted to shell out the $$$ for it!!! :)

is it true that you have to eat with your hands (no cutlery?)

At 9:13 AM, Blogger elmomonster said...


Yes! Only your hands, since they had no utensils back then. They do give you WetNaps though, because WetNaps, that's historically accurate! ;-)

At 1:10 PM, Blogger PapaKaster said...

What a great review, I wish I had seen this deal when it was available my wife has been asking to back for months.

At 2:37 PM, Blogger elmomonster said...


Glad you liked my review! However there seems to be an online special for $29.95. Click here.

Didn't seem to work last time though.

But when OC Restaurant Week rolls around again in a few months, you can be they'll have the $30 deal again.

At 2:58 PM, Blogger Eddie Lin said...

Hahaha!! Just found out you went here via OC Weekly! How funny! Never blogged about my adventure at Medieval Times years ago. Never got around to it. Looks like I can't use my photos anymore cuz' of menu changes (barely). Did u see my Pirate's Adventure Dinner post? Nice post. Goofy minds think alike!!

At 8:50 AM, Blogger elmomonster said...


Aaaaar! Snort! Yes I read your Pirates post! I was *THIS* close to doing Pirates over Medieval...hmmm, that sounds bad.


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